How to have S€X having PSSD, ED and such (for males)

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Trazedy
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How to have S€X having PSSD, ED and such (for males)

Unread post by Trazedy »

Hi, as we all now, sexual anxiety is an extremely big deal for males, so much that many healthy guys struggle with psychological ED ruining their sex life. For us, PSSD sufferers, the situation is worse because we don't have the anxiety, we have the certainty that we do not function.
I therefore decided to write a guide on how to have sex despite ED and PSSD. If you are a female sadly I have no advice for you because I have no idea how it feels to live either healthy sex or PSSD sex as a woman, but if you have any advice for other females, consider writing a post yourself. You can also comment here with your female opinion about that, as a woman you might agree on disagree on things. I also don't know how much it applies to male gay sex.

1)This post obviously applies only to people to whom it applies (duh!?)
Of course you might have bigger issues to deal with and you might find it nonsense, but I guarantee you that there is someone who could find it useful. It certainly would have been very useful to me if I knew this info at the beginning of my PSSD.

2)This post is not on how to get sex or find girls, it is on how to have sex once you are about to undress with a girl who is already there and willing to do it.

3) This post is not about encouraging you to have sex with many women or to discourage it or to tell you how to live your life. It's your business if you want to have sex with one different woman everyday or with your wife only after marriage. This is about overcoming mental barriers and anxieties of having sex for the first time with a new woman while having PSSD. As long as you are honest with youself and with women and you respect them, you are free to live you life the way you wish, don't let anyone judge you.

4) Who am I? I'm a 29yo guy, studying psychology and neuroscience, having PSSD since Sept 2018. Genital anesthesia, ED, zero libido, zero orgasm, loosing erection continuously during sex, lack of motivation. Until 2018 I had been only with a girl in my life (my ex). We lived together for 5+ys and we were talking about marriage and kids, then PSSD happened, it destroyed me psychologically and made my relationship end. At the time I thought no girl could ever want me and I was destined to be alone. It took me 1-2 years to find the courage to try to have sex with another girl. Some even invited me to their bedroom to "sleep together" and I refused. In at least a couple of occasions that I can recall, not even counting the occasions I didn't make sex happen in the first place. My biggest fears were the girl seeing my soft dick and rolling her eyes or getting pissed or laughing or dressing back and leaving or not wanting to have sex anymore and play with her phone, or anything on that line.
I don't know how I managed to find the courage to have sex with the first one, basically I had to brute force myself to do it. Since then I have been multiple times with a dozen different girls, all from different European nations (believe it or not, I traveled A LOT during covid 2020 because I felt I didn't have much to lose in my life, if you know what I mean), so my advice is based on real experience. You can argue that I managed to find the only 10+ girls in the whole Europe to whom this applies but luck has never been part of my life, otherwise I wouldn't be here...

FEARS
Write on a piece of papers your biggest fears about sex and star to imagine them. The girl mocking you, the girl pissed off... Do it at least a couple of times a week. Make them as exaggerate as possible. Like the girl taking a picture of you and publishing it on instagram or whatever. This teaches your brain that they are fucking fantasies and not real issues. As they say, keep your enemies closer.

HOW I DO IT (this applies especially with a girl you are having sex with for the first time)
I start making out. When it's time I take out my shirt. Then with time I slowly undress the girl. Then extremely slowly I start touching her. Then I go down on her (at this point most of the time I still have underwear on and usually trousers too). If you don't like/want to go down, use your hands while kissing. Either case if you don't know how to use hands/tongue, the internet is full of tutorials. Porn is not a tutorial!!!
When she want me to get undressed, I say a sentence: "Oh, by the way, I have a nerve damage and I can't feel much with my dick. It doesn't work properly, so if it doesn't function is not that I don't like you, you are very hot. It's just broken".
I DON'T say it with a sad face or being apologetically and I DON'T stare at her trying to get her reaction or the permission for me to feel worthy or whatever. I say it with a buddhist emphatic loving smile. I say it like I'm saying "tomorrow it will rain so I will use the bus instead of the bike". I say it as I say it 10 times a day in place of "Good morning".
At this point the girl might say something like "reeally? omg that's awful, I'm so sad for you..." "how does blablabla?".
I answer "It's alright, don't worry" and smile even more. Maybe caress her of give her a kiss on wherever I want. This is not the time for explanations, this is sex time. So I might say "let's play/have fun". And I continue from where I left. If she seems to want to know more I just dismiss it saying "I took some pills in the past and they gave me a bad reaction, but it's alright, let's have fun and talk later". And I say it while warmly smiling and starting to caress and touch her.
You don't have to get into explanations and thinking about PSSD right now. At this point you forget about PSSD, you forget about having a dick, you forget about being a guy.
You might say "be gentle" or "slowly" if she touch your dick (in my case being super slow and using light touch helps with the blood flow. I also suggest you to put some lube, in my case it improves sensation 10-20%) but that's it . You don't think about your dick, you don't try to feel it, you definitely don't try to get it hard, you don't look at it and you don't touch it. I'm quite strict on that.
You only think about her, her body, her xxxx, and you use your eyes, touch, smell, taste and your senses in general to enjoy her presence. You make her relax and see if she comes. At this point I haven't even thought about using my dick. Now, after she comes, I take an extremely quick look at the dick and if it's hard enough for the condom I take it while again forgetting about my dick. I make her lay on the back, I put the condom on and I put the dick inside ASAP. I'm on top for gravity to help with the process. Again I deal with my dick as little as possible. Like 5 seconds. Once inside you just enjoy her and think about her, I don't even check if my dick is hard or not (I can't feel it so I don't know). You can change position if you want but ALWAYS place your whole attention on her and not on your dick.
if you loose erection (It happens to me a shitload of time) you say "it's a little bit insensitive right now", and you continue with foreplay.
If it happens to get hard again, you use it again. If not, it's alright. You don't stress about it. If it gets hard even once during sex I say "Omg this is unexpected. It usually doesn't work but now it's hard, I think he loves you :D" "no, really, it's not that easy, I'm enjoying this moment with you very much". It's not just you who have insecurities, women have many, reassure her that despite you dick is broken you are liking her and enjoying the time with her.

Sex is not about getting your dick hard, it's not about make her come, it's about playing and enjoying each other company, each other's bodies and focusing on your senses. Make it a nice experience. If you can, turn on nice music, candles, incenses, put nice soft lights... create a nice experience, appreciate her body, give her compliments, thing about the moment you are living.

TOYS
I STRONGLY suggest you to buy sex toys and to use them. I felt I would have been less of a man for using sex toys. How can my dick compete with an always-hard plastic vibrator? It can't. Because it's not a fucking competition. You want to be the confident guy who gives her an extremely nice and pleasurable experience. You would be surprised how many girl in their late 20's have never tried a particular sex toy or no sex toy at all. Have different sex toys. Know them. Teach her about them. Make her try them. Play with her. Have fun together.
You don't have to be more then other guys, you have to be different. Find what she likes or what she might like. Try things. She would probably love to be blindfolded or tied or spanked or tickled or whatever. Try different things together.
If you don't have experience there is no need to fake it. You can show how confident you are by confidently showing your lack of confidence. Say "I don't have much experience with that but it would be lovely to try it". It's not a competition, you don't have to "get her" or "win her". You are in the same team. You are partners.
If I had to suggest you only one sex toy, buy the Magic Wand. I bought mine for 20€ and it's an absolutely game changer. Girls can come in seconds with that. It's like a massage vibrating machine that looks like a microphone and you can put on the body or on the outer part of the genitals. It's not to be put inside. Don't be a beta wannabe macho, don't be scared by toys. PLAY. Learn how to tease and deny girl with toys, how to go slowly, to make her wait, how to be more dominant. Every person is different but as a general rule female sexual fantasies and tastes are quite easy. Learn about them.

AFTER SEX
Usually after sex I lay down, cuddle her. Now it's time for explanations. I say "BTW, do you wanna know about the broken dick? :D" I don't tell a sad story, I don't complain or cry, I just tell her the story, I make some jokes calling it "broken dick". No need to impress her nor to make her cry and ruin the experience. Just exchange intimate stuff, talk about fears, talk about insecurities, ask her what she is insecure about her body, ask her what she likes or dislikes about sex. Ask her what guys do wrong, what she did like about you, ask her things you want to know. If she asks you questions be honest about them.

I acted like that with all the girls and they all loved it. They wanted to see me multiple times while I was there in their cities, they said things like "you are very good at it", "you really know how to do it", "with you it's very different", "you do really care", "you give a lot of attention", "none made me ever try these things"...
Sadly I'm moving a lot and changing countries so I could't have any long term relationship with any of them, but they all still write me and call me after several months or 1y, and sometimes send me sexy pic or ask about my pssd and how I'm doing... they all know that I'm seeing other girls, as I said be honest and be real, no need to fake stuff.

WHAT IF I DO WHAT YOU SAY BUT STILL I FIND A GIRL WHO REACT IN A BAD WAY?
This is so statistically improbable that it's close to impossible. Nothing is impossible though, so you avoid it by screening for a girl who is not a psycho or a shitty person or a sadist. Why would you even want a girl like that? Find a nice girl in the first place and you are 99,9999999% sure it will not happen. If you have sex with let's say 500 girls I'm sure it could theoretically happen, in a large enough sample you will find any sort of things... So if you are the "one in a million" unlucky guy, you just say "too bad" and find another girl who is normal and you are good to go. It's not going to happen though, not even once, and for sure is not gonna happen twice. My pssd forces me only to have sex with girls with whom I have some sort of connection and who are kind and super nice personality-wise. I couldn't manage to have a rage fuck with a bitchy girl in a club toilet, no matter how much viagra I might take. Believe it or not but sexual chemistry and emotional connection with a girl + a chill environment can improve some of the pssd symptoms. Many people report this, they are not hallucinating or having fake pssd, it's just that there is some range of improvement that can be obtained with the physiological changes that a particular girl can elicit in your body.

I'm sorry if this post triggers your insecurities or causes you laugh or get mad. This is just my personal experience after 4 ys of pssd, you don't have to do the exact same things I do, just use it as an inspiration for handling the psychological consequences of pssd and please don't make your life more miserable than it already is, the vast majority of sufferers could get some little fun while waiting for a miracle since even some disabled paralyzed people do.

Cheers
Last edited by Trazedy on Wed Jul 13, 2022 4:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
Neuroscience MD researcher. Ita Male 30yo.

28 pills of Trazodone 75mg on Sept '18. Cold Turkey.
1y severe penis shrink/numb/ED
4y ED 7/10+numb 5/10+orgasm 3/10+libido 0
5y ED 9/10+numb 8/10+orgasm 6/10+libido 2
GIXXER
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Re: How to have S€X having PSSD, ED and such (for males)

Unread post by GIXXER »

What's the tl;dr version
Trazedy
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Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:59 pm
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Re: How to have S€X having PSSD, ED and such (for males)

Unread post by Trazedy »

GIXXER wrote: Fri May 21, 2021 2:37 pm What's the tl;dr version
TL;DR If you think that ED or PSSD is going to be a problem while having sex with a new girl and that she might laugh or reject you or react badly, you are wrong. If you don't know how to give a girl an amazing above-average and satisfying sexual experience, read the post and do the exact same. I also explained how to tell a new girl about PSSD. That's it.
Neuroscience MD researcher. Ita Male 30yo.

28 pills of Trazodone 75mg on Sept '18. Cold Turkey.
1y severe penis shrink/numb/ED
4y ED 7/10+numb 5/10+orgasm 3/10+libido 0
5y ED 9/10+numb 8/10+orgasm 6/10+libido 2
Frog
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Re: How to have S€X having PSSD, ED and such (for males)

Unread post by Frog »

An interesting way of approaching things, thanks for sharing!
narigator
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Re: How to have S€X having PSSD, ED and such (for males)

Unread post by narigator »

Congratulations on your report!

I am Brazilian, I have PSSD since 2017 and I have the same strategy as you. Brazil is a country with a lot of sexual freedom and it is very easy to go out with a girl and have sexual encounters.

This has always generated some regret in me for having pssd and not being enjoying life as I could. But since 2019 I've been acting exactly like you. Sometimes I can't stop thinking about the penis or I'm worried if the girl is tired of foreplay and wants a penetration. But generally, your strategy really works. And because most men are rubbish with women, we compensate pssd with a greater concern for the pleasure of women.

I must also warn you that I had great experiences after making the girl come and instead of penetrating properly ask her to masturbate. It improves sensitivity a lot and in a sexual and relaxed context it was very pleasurable, similar to pre-pssd
Halan
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Re: How to have S€X having PSSD, ED and such (for males)

Unread post by Halan »

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing your history.

If you learn how to make a decent oral, the girl will love.
There are, of course, girls that don't like to receive oral. Too bad, but I think they are the minority.
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