Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

I'm gradually getting worse. As if buspirone was a bad choice - at first I felt like a slight improvement which is disappearing and I have to increase the dose more and more to feel it. Today I feel more stressed, empathy and anxiety and less libido, i have bad thought around dead my parents in future and overall time passing ( like amisulpride) than in previous days. Usually in such cases, increasing buspirone improves a little bit for a few days.
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Meso
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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finities infinities, you have to promise not taking random things. This is because random supplements/meds can interfere with neurotransmitter probing and will complicate treatment.

Just to make sure I understand you correctly, you are taking:
- Clomipramine: 50 mg
- Carbamazepine: 500 mg

Are you currently taking anything else?
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finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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Clomipramine 50 mg
Carbamazepoine 500 mg
Buspirone 15 mg
Melanotan 2 injection.
finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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I noticed that I feel better when I'm in sleep-consiousness. When I wake up. At first I feel that I have not woken up completely yet and I am sleepy and I feel stupid- i have problem with more sharp thinking, my awareness is low.- i feel better. Later, I wake up completely, my consciousness increases rapidly and with it - we all bad symtoms, my state dramatically worsened.
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Meso
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by Meso »

finities infinities wrote:Clomipramine 50 mg
Carbamazepoine 500 mg
Buspirone 15 mg
Melanotan 2 injection.
High glutamate and low serotonin are often involved in amygdala over-reactivity. Ciprofloxacin is highly glutamatergic, which makes sense that it worsened your condition.

Akathisia points toward low dopamine in extrapyramidal regions. Antipsychotics are well known for triggering inner restlessness and akathisia.

First thing first, which symptom bothers you the most? (one symptom only!)

Also, please post your hormonal values and blood tests.
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finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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Which symptoms? Hmmm this is very hard to describe. I see all my symptoms like one complexity symptoms.
I have huge problems in making a decision, I am the type who stands in the store for an hour and still does not know what to choose, because he thinks and analyzes excessively. But imagining himself as a less thinking person, he would say that this complex symptom is: 100% anhedonia / depersonalization?
I felt better last day, today is worsen.
I noticed a few days ago that he was becoming a little more sleepy, developing tendencies: more hipersomnia and tired like state.
I noticed that my intestines also became slightly calmer and I am starting to lean slightly towards constipation. This is a good sign, I started having serious problems getting up from bed in the morning.
 When it comes to sexual matters, they significantly improved during these last moments, I had more erection and more ,, sensitive "genital. I feel slighty pleasure from my penis touch. I heard that also than my brain in this ,, better days: ( like 50% recovered) he sometimes remembered old habits such as evening masturbation or old songs, of course the fear of deterioration after orgasm is still too strong. On those better days I also noticed that I had less empathy and became more: seeking attention! ( subconsciously wanting an epinephrine type: prank someone and see what will happen, it is also associated with a decrease in anhedonia and more childish carefree.) But these days the energy reduction was characteristic, I became slightly sleepy during the day and my fear, nervousness was also less . My appetite was also slighty better- more delicious seeking to food, especially sugary and black tea.
Unfortunately today is worse, I got a cold and took johimbine in the morning because I could not wake up well in college, I am not sure but she removed this "better window", I felt more empathy again, I had more intense bad thought and my libido and hedonic attemp seeking attention completely disappeared. Today I feel dead again, aversely, my body is tense and my hands are cold. my heartbeat is also too fast and too noise ( traditionally) and my appetite loss.
I don't want to suggest anything but I did a test with atropine and pilocarpine:
-atropine produce short window like ,, short flashes "more normal ,, magical" thinking and produce this characteric for D2- agonist like effect- increase ,, having "seeking attention" ,, more libido and passion feeling "and slighty decrease bad though looping in my brain, and of course my bowel is calm after atropine.
-pilocarpine- zero effect, probably to less dose, maybe slighty increase anxiety.
I had sex a week ago. And it was, as always, at the beginning a strong excitement - you have to undress quickly because it starts to pass quickly, I can't keep libido / erection! Suddenly everything gets boring, I get used to seeing my naked partner in bed like a song I play too often. After sex, I have a strong feeling of guilt, I feel worse that I can't feel "pleasure" and this "enormous strong seeking" feeling.
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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Mesolimbo my last hormonal values:
Prolactin: moderatery low before amisulpride, very high during amisulpride ( above 4x higher than range).
Cortisol and ACTH: moderatery low before amisulpride and after.
Free testosterone before amisulpride : Good ( close to upper range)
finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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For a long time I was looking for a word that would help you to imagine how she feels in her body and suddenly I remembered camphor. Do you remember that unpleasant, cold feeling of the body after covered with camphor ( or menthol) this is the specific type of cold, tension, stress feeling that I feel all the time, the opposite of orgasmic relax and warm pleasure feeling.
A good example of this are the genitals - they are just too sensitive to pain, but they do not produce the rare "pleasure" of erogenous feeling. As if my body was still functioning in a state of extreme stress - contraction of internal organs, tension, flight or fight.
As if the stimuli causing pleasure have disappeared - in all spheres and those unpleasant, dysphoric, painful have been strengthened.
Tomorrow I will try to describe in more detail what happened on the days when stoped carbamazepine 2 years ago and amisulpride+mianserin years ago.
I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I tested all Cox 2 inhibitors - meloxicam, etoricoxib and nimesulide - all drastically aggravated all my symptoms for a panic attack, bad thought, depersonalization, anhedonia, empathy and suicide attempt. Maybe it's a tip.
I can write what I have also this drug in home:
-pilocarpine
-atropine
-baclofen
-naltrexone
lukejimmy
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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When you had sex recently, did your orgasm feel the same as it did before?
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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Orgasm is as if observed from the outside. It's like a window in suffering for a few seconds, that's why I don't see sense and pleasure from it, something that is so short and "present" I still look into the future and put everything away with anxiety for the future so that there would be no emptiness so that I know that there is still a lot of me waiting.
It bothers me terribly, yesterday I cried evening that I feel such a gap between "old healthy me" and the present one, that I feel that I have wasted my plans, my youth. I don't want to live like this, it's hell and not life. And I feel that the time is over to make my dreams come true, this trend in which I was already fulfilled is outdated. And I have no other idea for myself, I could only have ideas for myself when I was healthy. In the past, when I was healthy, I had huge plans and dreams. I was very creative, even though my life was not pleasant, I had conflicts with people, which often saddened me, but there was no anhedonia, the perception was quite different. And then came the time when cut my carbamazepine in october 2017 and then my pink glasses fell and I fell into nihilistic emptiness, everything lost its magic and value. It's been 2 years of wasted life, I think that if I get out of it, I will go to plastic surgery changing me back to a teenager. And I will start everything that the disease interrupted.
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