Jazzmatazz intro

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Jazzmatazz
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Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by Jazzmatazz »

Hey there community!

I'm James, a fellow fighter in this struggle life has thrown at us. I'm 31, I live in Spain, and I'm a teacher and PhD student. I don't know what kind of structure I should follow for our introductions so I will simply start from the time I first noticed something a bit weird.

I come from a background of heavy exercising. Until my 20, I was a martial arts competitor. After quitting due to knee injuries, I took up weightlifting, sport where I also competed for a few years (I was nothing worth writing home about though). Before my 20s I never was a helluva stud like Joe Buck in Midnight Cowboy but I loved sex. I had a girlfriend with whom I had sex everytime we could meet up, I had diamong-cutting erections, etc. I'm only mentioning these aspect from before I started struggling so that the fact that I didn't have libido, fatigue, ED, low testosterone or anything is established.

When I was 20-21 I started feeling a lack of motivation for everything. Nowadays I believe it had to do with dopamine overstimulation, as it coincided with a time of my life where I started gaming heavily. My libido took a hit and I didn't feel like having sex a lot, but I still had sex almost every time I met up with my girlfriend at the time, and had no erectile dysfunction. I had my doctors test some things and Testosterone, estradiol, and thyroid values came back well. After finishing my degree, I moved abroad to England to work and study. Weather compounded with my low mood ended up being something similar to depression, I guess, and after years of having doctors telling me to take antidepressants, I gave in. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.

I was started on Citalopram, frist 30, then 45, then 60mg if I recall correctly, for 4 months. I was after that prescribed Mirtazapine for another 4 or so, and Venlafaxine for my last 6. They tried different AD to see which worked best for me, I wasn't taking all those 3 at once. Well, during that time my low mood subsided! WOOHOOOO! Only to be substituted by feeling like an empty shell. But the benefits don't end there! My treatment didn't only make me a zombie, but a limp-dicked zombie! WOOHOOO!

That's when I first started researching antidepressants seriously and I found out about PSSD. If only I had read about this before I ever took them...

Anyway, I quit antidepressants 3 years ago, in June or July 2016, can't recall. I can't honestly recall if my ED was super bad before I quit, or if it got worse before, because even if I was living with my girlfriend at the time, we hadn't had sex in months. I didn't feel like having sex at all. After I quit, and I started feeling a bit more alive, I felt like looking around to have some fun (I'd broken up with my ex after 8 marvellous years due to those marvelous antidepressants). I didn't feel horny at all. I didn't even feel my dick! But I guess I was looking for some external validation. I wanted to feel desired, I guess.

About half a year after quitting those antidepressants I hooked up with a girl I had met and had a FWB thingy for a couple months. It was a mess. Sometimes I'd manage to get an erection, some others I wouldn't even get a half chub. It was really unreliable. Thank God, this girl was as understanding as can be, which also helped a lot. Almost a year after quitting my antidepressants I met a girl I really liked, and we started going out. Since I was terrified of being a flop (no pun intended) on our first time, I started researching some different things. Given my background in weightlifting, I've always been interested in PEDs and their effects. In fact, I had toyed for years with testosterone and other AAS, thinking it'd be the cure for my PSSD, but I never tried them. I did read about Bromelanotide, however, or PT-141, which ended up being a godsend. Not only did it give me really good boners, but also it made me kinda horny! I didn't even remember what being horny felt like!

Sadly, it was about that time, when dating that girl, when I realised the other terrifying aspect of PSSD. I could get hard with drugs, we could have great sex, provided I planned a bit in advance (although as time passed I started performing better without the PT-141, something I attribute to perhaps improving a little, perhaps PT-141 changing me a little, and feeling more comfortable and relaxed with a steady partner). However, I couldn't fall in love with her. For the life of me. I just couldn't. I really liked her, I cared for her, I had feelings, but... It just wasn't there. I couldn't tip over, so to say. It's like she couldn't go from friend to something more. I was unable to love. This, of course, caused many a problem. It's also about that time that I started feeling incredibly, incredibly fatigued. I started sleeping more and more, until I was sent to the sleep unit to be tested for apnoea when I was sleeping like 14-16 hours a day. No diagnosis. They told me my REM phase was super short, and sent me to the psych, who prescribed bupropion after I told him about my problems and I mentioned I wanted to give it a try (I'd read about many people with PSSD improving with buprpion).

Fast forward almost 2 years and here I am. My symptoms these days would be:

-Lack of motivation, though not as much as before. I'm researching something I love, and that helps me a lot.
-Lack of energy and strength: This really gets to me. Sports have always been important to me, and nowadays I can hardly exercise for half an hour before feeling like I just ran 10 marathons.
-Complete lack of libido. On the off time I feel like masturbating (which is more mental than physical, since I never feel that "physical need" or horniness), it takes me ages to get an erection, and it never is an actual erection, but more of a half chub. Oddly, and for some reason, my erection improves a lot right as I'm about to orgasm. Any neurotransmimitter or hormone released just before?
-As mentioned above, erectile dysfunction.
-Emotional numbness.
-Obsessive thoughts sometimes, similar to anxiety but not the same exactly.
-My genitals feel a bit like disconnected from my body. Before my antidepressants I could flex my PC muscles (like kegels) and I'd feel a hard ball right behind my testicles. Nowadays it feels like those muscles are super weak, or I can't engage them, or whatever. It's like my penis is but isn't there. Likewise, when somebody touches me, masturbates me, gives me oral sex, etc, I can feel pleasure, but it feels kind of disconnected, almost like when you have been anaesthesised. I can feel somebody touching it, and I feel some pleasure, but there's no reaction. There's no tingly feeling.
-Really weak ejaculation: I never was Peter North, but I used to shoot. Now it's more like whena toddler tries to spit and it simply dribbles down their chin :P

I do not think I am depressed anymore, but I am trying to get a psychologist to start a therapy, after 2 years fruitlessly trying through the national healthcare system.

Hey there :)

PD: I have seen that some people add a series of questions suggested by Mesolimbo, so I'll do the same.

1- What is your gender?
Male

2- Why did you take antidepressants in the first place? and for how long were you on them? which med?
I was recommended them by my GP for an alleged depression (I have reason to doubt it was an actual depression)

3- How was your sexual and emotional function before antidepressant intake?
Perfect. Chill libido, but super strong erections, and I was a happy-go-lucky guy

4- What are your symptoms exactly and when did they start? sexual dyfunction alone, or cognitive/emotional/hedonistic as well? which symptom is bothering you the most?
1. As mentioned above, erectile dysfunction, which started sometime during my AD treatment or after... I can't know since I didn't try to have sex.
2. Emotional numbing, which definitely started with my AD. I'd say Citalopram.
3. Extreme fatigue. It started about a year after I quit my ADs.
4. Gentialia numbness


5- What meds/suppplements have you tried so far?
I have tried PT-141, which worked really nice. It both gives me boners and makes me kinda horny. I've tried viagra, which on itself is just okayish. I can rely on it to have an okayish erection if I know I'm gonna have sex. If I can plan in advance, however, I go for PT-141 and viagra.
I supplement iron, B12, multivitamins, zinc and magnesium, and bupropion, 300mg.

6- Do you have access to meds without prescription (buy online), or would strictly require a prescription for meds to try?
I would have no qualms buying from any sketchy site. It's not like any contaminated crap is gonna be worse than what big pharma sold us...

7- Can you tolerate galicky foods? what about proteins?
Assuming you mean garlicky? I like them. And protein too, sure. Not sure about this question.

8- Have you done any blood testing? what were the results?
Last time I had them all values were normal. I had my blood drawn today, though, so I'll be able to update this in a couple weeks.
sovietxrobot
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by sovietxrobot »

If you feel like you fatigue very quickly during exercise, this could indicate a lack of nitric oxide, which is in part responsible for bringing oxygen to muscles. You could try any kind of nitric oxide supplement or precursor (l-arginine, l-citruline). It may help your erection quality and overall PSSD, and its a pretty safe starting point.
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hs1312
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by hs1312 »

You tried bupropion? Did you improve on it . How was the experience
34M.Effaxor 75mg nov16-mar17.PSSD
ed, low libido, fatigue,
intro. https://www.pssdforum.org/viewtopic.php?t=1135
WrittenDEC22
Jazzmatazz
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Joined: Wed Oct 16, 2019 12:11 pm
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by Jazzmatazz »

sovietxrobot wrote:If you feel like you fatigue very quickly during exercise, this could indicate a lack of nitric oxide, which is in part responsible for bringing oxygen to muscles. You could try any kind of nitric oxide supplement or precursor (l-arginine, l-citruline). It may help your erection quality and overall PSSD, and its a pretty safe starting point.
Hey!

I have indeed tried l-citrulline, although just occasionally, and not permanently. Perhaps if I took it as an everyday dose I could notice a difference. Will definitely give it a try. Any recommendations on dosage or timing for PSSD related treatments?

Thanks a lot mate!
hs1312 wrote:You tried bupropion? Did you improve on it . How was the experience
It did help me have a "normal" life. I don't think it affected libido, and I have a suspicion it has actually worsened my erections (which would make sense given the higher noradrenaline levels, right?). It did however help me with fatigue, which is by far my most life-changing problem. With it, I can sleep less and more or less work like an extremely weak person. I still need to sleep 9-10 hours everyday simply to study and work a little, so it is definitely the factor impacting my life the most. As a PhD student also working as a teacher, every spare minute counts, and having to sleep 2-3h more than the average person is an insane setback for me.
finities infinities
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by finities infinities »

I have the same symptoms- extremely easy tired. Lack of physical condition, immediately, body aches, extreme fatigue and sweat. I can't run.
Jazzmatazz
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by Jazzmatazz »

finities infinities wrote:I have the same symptoms- extremely easy tired. Lack of physical condition, immediately, body aches, extreme fatigue and sweat. I can't run.
Really sad to hear it mate! It's hard to imagine how much it can affect our happiness until we lose it.

One weird thing is I still have a very nice physique, and have retained lots of muscle. Or rather, I have lost lots, but I'm still very muscly (I used to compete at quite a heavy weight, so even after losing 20kg I'm still "buff"). However, I'm weak as shit. Makes no sense.
finities infinities
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by finities infinities »

I can't build my muscles and I've been exercising for many years. This is very sad for me. My dream is sexy muscle appearance, but I was always a thin boy, with slim hands. And continuous vasoconstriction, very cold feet and hand.
Jazzmatazz
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by Jazzmatazz »

finities infinities wrote:I can't build my muscles and I've been exercising for many years. This is very sad for me. My dream is sexy muscle appearance, but I was always a thin boy, with slim hands. And continuous vasoconstriction, very cold feet and hand.
Is this related to your PSSD, however? Has it always been like this in terms of your exhaustion and low energy levels? Perhaps there's something else going on besides the PSSD! Hopefully something more easily fixable.
finities infinities
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by finities infinities »

No only. This problem is probably 1/2- too low appetite ( for eat above 2500 callories is often impossible)+ strong nitric oxide disfunction from NET blockade from clomipramine (norepinephrine block nitric oxide and muscle pump, vasodilation).
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hs1312
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Re: Jazzmatazz intro

Unread post by hs1312 »

Is there a way to test the nitric oxide dysfunction?
34M.Effaxor 75mg nov16-mar17.PSSD
ed, low libido, fatigue,
intro. https://www.pssdforum.org/viewtopic.php?t=1135
WrittenDEC22
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