Yellow99 Intro - Lost as fuck - need someone who understands

[Yellow99]

Hello everyone,

I‘m new in this forum and yesterday I was writing an introduction but after like 30 minutes writing I accidentally deleted everything and I don’t have the energy right now to type it all over so here is the short version: I’m female, 24 years old, took 20mg citalopram for 5 days (to treat narcolepsy - not even depression) two months ago, since then I have a numb clitoris, orgasm is 5-10% of how good it used to feel, during sex I also only feel 5-10% of what I used to feel. I was hypersexual just two months ago (masturbated my whole life since I was a child daily and loved having sex 2-3 times a day) PSSD hit me so hard.. in the beginning I was very suicidal but I‘ve come to the conclusion I won‘t kill myself.. there‘s been some moments in the past weeks where I thought to myself „thank god I didn’t kill myself because than I couldn’t experience this“.. this attitude and hope that it will get better or a medication will be found is the only thing that keeps my alive. I cry every day, my whole life crashed. Lost my boyfriend, can’t work, man I can’t even care for myself anymore.. I almost don’t want to eat anymore and starting to get underweight, I shower only when it’s reaally necessary, my apartment is getting dirty, I’m unemployed and lost health insurance because I didn’t answer them for 1 month because I was so depressed only lying on my couch half dead. Today it is very bad.. I somehow lost hope it will get better over time. I read about some cured stories but they are just so rare compared to the „I have PSSD for 5/10/15 years“. Everyone I start googling in order to find something positive or informational I end up on rxisk and get so fucking depressed that I actually start to think about suicide again, but I know I‘m too scared of death. Wish I could just kill myself without being scared.. this life is only 0,5% better than being dead. I used to be a very sensible person, love and relationships were everything for me and now I can’t FEEL it anymore. It’s like I can think it, I still want my ex boyfriend back and I know that I love him, it’s just that I can’t feel it or almost not feel it. Everything is so fucking numbed, I can’t take this anymore. And the worst are the people that tell you it’s just your psych or in your head after you open up to them.
I‘m an attractive, intelligent 24 year old girl but I feel like my life is over. I still crave love, sex and human interaction but at the same time it makes me depressed cause it doesn’t feel like it should. I think my ex boyfriend wants me back, we had sex yesterday two weeks after we broke up and for those weeks I was thinking so much about him but then yesterday I almost felt nothing even though I should be happy as fuck. I feel so damaged. By only 5 fucking pills. 5 pills ruined my life.

[iull1k]

Hi! I'm sorry for what has happened. I'm 3 years and 7 months in this state and i understand you perfectly. You describe the same symptoms like me. I have a girlfriend for all this time and i'm shocked that she is still with me. Some things improved, but i miss my old self, just want to get my emotions and connection with this world. I was very intelligent, hypersexual, attractive, but i woke up one day and i was a mess. I feel like i'm a shadow of who i was.
Just don't loose your hope. I'm very lucky that I have parents and girlfriend who support me. If you have someone to whom you can confess,to tell absolutely everything and you are sure that you will be understood, just make it, it will be a great relief if you receive a moral support.

P.S. Where are you from? your friend knows about what happened to you?

[Yellow99]

Hi! I'm sorry for what has happened. I'm 3 years and 7 months in this state and i understand you perfectly. You describe the same symptoms like me. I have a girlfriend for all this time and i'm shocked that she is still with me. Some things improved, but i miss my old self, just want to get my emotions and connection with this world. I was very intelligent, hypersexual, attractive, but i woke up one day and i was a mess. I feel like i'm a shadow of who i was.
Just don't loose your hope. I'm very lucky that I have parents and girlfriend who support me. If you have someone to whom you can confess,to tell absolutely everything and you are sure that you will be understood, just make it, it will be a great relief if you receive a moral support.

P.S. Where are you from? your friend knows about what happened to you?

My parents don‘t understand, they think it can be fixed with another drug.
My ex boyfriend knows, I told him absolutely everything, but he‘s one year younger than me and I think he can’t handle my horrible depression that I now have. Since he broke up with me I act that I‘m better so he wants me back and it actually worked but I know that I cannot act any longer. I need someone who knows everything, fully understands and will still not leave me.

[iull1k]

I understand that you want to keep him next to you, you want to not be alone and you need a support. But from what i understand i have big doubts that he loves you. I'm living in Eastern Europe, we have families much more consolidated and peoples are less selfish. If this was to happen with my girlfriend I certainly wouldn't leave her. I don't think you should think about your boyfriend if he leaves you just in 2 months. He doesn't really loves you and doesn't want to be influenced by your problems.

[Blueturtle]

Hey there

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I was on the same medicine and the same dose, got the same side effects (ejaculatory anhedonia numb genitals)

It sucks really bad.

I hope things look up for you soon, feel free to ask about anything we’re here for you. We’re trying to figure out what’s going on and we’re getting closer everyday.

[Yellow99]

Hey there

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I was on the same medicine and the same dose, got the same side effects (ejaculatory anhedonia numb genitals)

It sucks really bad.

I hope things look up for you soon, feel free to ask about anything we’re here for you. We’re trying to figure out what’s going on and we’re getting closer everyday.

Hey, yeah I already noticed you before because of your signature. I‘m also researching every day for hours since I got this but even though I think I‘m somewhat clever, this is just too complicated for me. I mean there‘s still so much we don’t know about the brain and it’s function nowadays. I think we need researchers to do studies and experiments on this.. or pure luck that anybody here will try something that really works. But from what I‘ve read until now, not only one drug will help. PSSD fucks with many pathways in the body.

But thank you for your answer. It really helps to talk to people who go through the same.

[Blueturtle]

Yeah i’ve Thought to myself about the multiple treatment regiment thing vs one medication. Men with PFS, a condition that seems related to PSSD caused by finasteride usually have gotten better with combining several therapies like weight lifting, supplements, DHT, dopamine meds or other combos and some have helped a lot.

PSSD seems similar some have been helped with certain “regimens” I mean there’s a famous rat study mentioned around here about early life clomipramine exposure causeing serious sexual deficits that lasted until adulthood that were reversed with DHT and Estradiol treatment, just one would only partially help.

I’m seeing a doctor soon and i’ll Talk about the research and we’ll see if they have any suggestions.

[Gameclay]

Beyond sorry to hear this has happened to you. I hope you can find employment and health insurance soon.

You may want to consider trying the drug Wellbutrin aka Bupropion. I've read of it helping alot of women with sexual problems and low sex drive from SSRI's. There's a female user here called numby82 who claims to have significant relief of her symptoms from it.

Third post down
http://www.pssdforum.com/viewtopic.php? ... 513#p25513

[tenacity]

I'm really sorry you've found your way here. This is a thing that no one should have to deal with, but I will share my experience for you in the hopes that maybe you can gather up some courage to push through this, because it is WORTH IT. I am 19 years old. I started Lexapro (escitalopram) around 8+ months ago. Escitalopram and citalopram are very similar drugs. I actually took for 4 days, and as soon as I noticed symptoms of anorgasmia, erectile dysfunction, and lost sensitivity, I immediately discontinued. I also discontinued because I found myself feeling extremely apathetic. Didn't feel like anything had much meaning. Luckily the cognitive and emotional symptoms were gone within a few days of discontinuation, but the sexual side effects stuck. I was stuck in quite the hole and it felt hopeless. I made my way over to this forum, and messaged Ghost, and me and him would exchange messages every other few weeks, while I waited to see if what I had was PSSD or not. It is hard to tell right after an individual discontinues because some people rebound. After about a month and a half, I was pretty confidently able to conclude I was suffering from this condition. I was horrified to be starting college while having to hold this condition on my shoulders, but something was telling me to keep going, so I marched along. and I kept marching. 8 months later, and I feel like a different person from where I stood at the start of my journey dealing with this awful shit. I had nights where I would cry myself to sleep, too, even though I wanted to potray myself as a positive figure for other people who were suffering this. I still want to help others through this mess. I would say at this 8 month mark, I'm recovered enough to call myself to be on the very low end of what would be considered acceptable sexual functioning, granted I still have my days where things don't go my way. Even when it seems hopeless, there is always a reason to keep moving, and there are people around who love you. Don't hesitate to shoot me a PM, or anyone else who seems friendly to you around here. Don't hesitate to talk to the people you love. Even though they might not understand, you have to be patient and tolerant to them, because they haven't experienced what we have. They aren't meaning to insult you, and I'm positive they want to get the bottom of what you're dealing with just as much as you do! I didn't see any mention of how long you've been suffering this but from what I gather it has been over a month. I didn't see any super solid improvements until the 4 or 5 month mark probably. The anorgasmia was terrible up until that point. Resilience and stress minimizing behavior go a long way, and just know you have people who love you. I took the approach of telling everyone close to me about what had happened so I didn't have to deal with this alone. It might be humiliating at first, but you can find out who really cares. Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk.

[snappsack09]

Sorry to hear that. It happened to me as well. Are there any recovery stories from Citalopram? Seems to be the worst one in terms of causing PSSD.