I don't want to detract from the neuro talk here, but I used to have this obsession too. For me it was most of my adolescence on and off and then severe at the beginning of college. It can flare up occasionally but once I let my body take control of when I need to sleep, it's gotten a lot better. For example I have learned that my body WILL sleep when it NEEDS it. The biggest fear of mine was having to go face people and places the next day when I knew I'd be tired and anxious - especially bad when I was working in a hospital or helping with surgeries and felt that I NEEDED to be totally aware of my surroundings at all times - it was a control thing for me as well.taarn wrote:I've developed something like PTSD to sleep, or to the fear of not being able to sleep and having to work the next day. When it was close to sleep time or I was close to my bedroom I started experiencing hot flashes and severe anxiety and obsessive thoughts. It was so severe that it was totally taking over my life in the end. Only benzos helped, sometimes I had to combine them with zolpidem.
It was very hard to believe but only a few pills of mirtazapine was able to completely erase this obsession. Also including general anxiety, OCD, my emotions and sexual function.
What you say totally makes sense regarding my experience.
EDIT:
Does it make sense that if you're already in an overexcited high glutamate state, hence currently having bad anxiety attack episodes, that it also raises your chances to develop long-term or permanent issues when taking different brain altering drugs/medications?
Also the question arise, what are these LTP/LTD changes exactly? Which brain circuits are being altered and how that have such kind of negative effects on sexuality?
I think I finally realized that I had moved past this obsession when I did Ketamine. After Ketamine I wasn't tired as much so often I'd lay awake at night and then the next day still have energy and be ok. This was eye-opening for me, really helped extinguish a life-long obsession. Therein lies the power of psychoactive drugs, in my opinion.
So moving on to Psilocybin (a very big interest of mine) - Mesolimbo may be interested in this. I will actually take some of the recent Psilocybin posts and put them in that thread because I feel I am talking about it in places besides where it is meant to go. HPPD is definitely real, and it's hard to understand if you haven't taken the drugs. I've always been a very imaginative person and one who is sensitive to the environment. Therefore, HPPD really scared me. I noticed myself checking and seeing if I had HPPD in the days after Psilocybin. This was really no more than OCD behavior and I treated it as such. I've been lucky to have an overwhelmingly positive experience with Psilocybin. That being said it does change things. It's interesting to note that in the studies most people with HPPD don't mind it too much, it's just the more severe cases or the OCD people who are really bothered by it. Anyways, you start to pick up on the weird psychedelic nature of life, especially when you are tripping, but also afterwards as well. You realize that there is a fine line between reality and hallucination. For example: if you want to know what I'm talking about stare at a wooden floor someday. After a while the afterimages and halos will start to make the grains glow and they'll appear to wobble or waver. That's basically you standing on the edge of hallucination. It only takes around 0.2g of shrooms for trying this activity to be fairly psychedelic if I'm in meditation. It's a slider and you start here at these basic things and then scale up to seeing hieroglyphics on the bathroom wall as you increase dosage. You don't realize that until after Psilocybin (i didn't at least). I am aware of being able to make my life feel psychedelic for years (as I describe above), but I was never aware of it being so close to hallucination. So I think HPPD is very subjective and confusing topic. I don't think anyone who takes a psychedelic really sees the world the same way again, but an overwhelming percentage of the time that's a good thing. For example it taught me how to fight (or accept) my obsessional thinking (work in progress). The world would be a much better place if they were accepted and treated like medicine/tools. Art would be better, governments would care more about people, etc.
I get visual snow maybe once a month. Happened yesterday. I never knew what it was for decades until I found it when people were talking about it in relation to HPPD. Usually stress induced and may be from migraines also. Usually triggered by bright, cloudy skies on dreary days. Lasts a minute or less, less if I don't think about it. It looks like bright white dots flying across my vision in circles. I don't think it's any worse after Psilocybin than before.
My sexuality was markedly better when I was microdosing psilocybin, but I was taking between 0.2-0.3g shrooms for my microdoses - which are higher than suggested, I know. I stopped for a few reasons. First of all, I started disliking feeling "active". I went from looking forward to my dosing days to treating it as a mandatory 6 hours when I couldn't do very much else but sit around and wait for it to wear off. My eyes were like saucers and on several occasions it was painful to go outside because I'd want to freak out when I felt on that borderline of tripping in public. Sexuality was better though, and since I've stopped I've now realized how much it was helping. Things were markedly better while on it. It's been a while since my last real trip, and I'm thinking of doing the next one soon. Also would be happy getting back to another Ketamine infusion now that I have some more of this knowledge of drugs.