Think I'm at my last months of living ahendonia numbness anorgasmia etc totally blank 23 years old

[Imtrying34]

Everything that was the pre pssd me we had sex 3 times a day we were soul mates we connected on so many deep levels we read esch others thoughts and feelings all the time we joked around about things together we had a amazing relationship. She trusted me and I'm letting her down I've lost my drive my emotions my sensation my orgasms the part about me that differentiates my self I lost a great job I'm embarrassing my self around families I can't go on with this condition it's been since July 17 I've mistaken a antiphychotic pill and I thought my ahendonia was bad then I could and would take the old feelings i had back over what I have now me and my girl had plans to get married to go on vacations to have sex in public at different places to do so many open freaky things and it kills me I can't feel motivation pleasure or happiness she was and is my world I love her so much she helped me so much with my life and I'm only letting her down I argue with her about my pssd I can't stop fighting because i tell her I cant enjoy anything this all started when she thrown my paxil away I quit 6 years cold turkey ... And tried going back she threw my Medication away thinking I didn't need it wish I was doing fine cold tirkryed after a month still didn't have pssd symptoms now I have full blown my ocd is gone .. I use to have extreme OCD and PTSD I learned to work my life around it never affected me this significant but now everything hurts I'm on my last leg my balls hurt Ive been instutuinalizdd 2 times since pssd for sucidal ideation I've tried 14 meds since pssd and probably 13 supplements and I'm not sure I'll make it I can't take my perception my ahenonda my lost of libido my numbness I have a daughter. I want to love but it seems imposssible to care I wish this was never my life I wish she just left the meds alone I always stayed on a low dose ssri never about 20mg but once my depression kicked in again i needed help now she thinks I'm cheatinf on her not showing her time or love she feels i lied about myself to her now my personality is blank all time now I hate this shit so bad I wake up in the morning and think to myself fuck this torture again I'm back in hell i miss orgasms and loving my girl I'm tired of feeling like this I'm goin to loose it all if it doesn't change and I'm tired of this I'm loosing myself i live in the past .. I grew so much to have everything stollen i stopped caring how can I manage like this we both deleted social medias at one point to better our relationship she is my soulmate we have a 8 motnh year old my cognition my thoughts everything seem to be gone I lost all sensation everywhere and now I just sit and think about how i use to be how i use to feel motivated loved and how confident I was I look at our old pictures before pssd and i cry so badly I got pssd a month before my daughter was born i was in the hospital with a complete loss of emotion it fucking kills me every day I live I think i can't fuck I think something's not working.. I can't feel motivated what's wrong with me .. and I mental? Why am I acting this way I look terrible I stay with her parents and they loved me before pssd and how I was always helping caring for there daughter they let me sleep in her room in her house where I initially got her pregnant we had great sex every day for year straight and just watched movies smoked weed and talked about how great things were how much we loved esch other all my plans are ruined . I now consider my self gone she calls me a selfish person but little does she know what it feels like to be ahenodinic to loose your sex drive sensatiins pleasure and personality it kills me there is no answer she says she's falling ojt of love she doesn't see me the same and once she looses feelings it's hard to regain them .. I've been so much more abusive angry snd mean ... I curse I yelled I'm so angry about this condition .. I jus want to love her and feel love I just wanted to succeed with my family I never had a family my dad waallked out of my life I promised I would never be the same way I promised her i would never make her cry or feel alone I'm fucking failure and it's eating at my soul every day I live my life if was full of hookah clubs going out building my Honda Civic with a t4 turbo kit and racing around .. and mostly my girlfriend she has been there for me when I was homeless she left with me she left her parents WTH mewe have had a out body experience sexually we were soul connected she felt my spirit not many people find that kind of love .. every one could see how much we influenced each other and worked on each other and now I'm ahendoic mad guy who has to walk around people and play a fake role while being told itl pass or it's just a phase I'm ultra sensitive to any medication ciggeratee make me worse .. weed does now too alcohol makes me worse I have no outlet anymore then pressure is on me her family is watching my uevery move.. i think they believe I'm not supportive or strong enough .. they see me as weak individual now before I would do everything around the house clean etc they loved me there and now. I have a loving child I can't even bare the same passion i had before it kills me god damn this shit .. I can't even think about the good times anymore my mind just is stuck on blank I can't even pretend it I miss my old self I miss my OCD and sex drive and pleasure I knew I would never break up with girl but now with all these dysfunction she questions if I'm even stable enough to be supporter anymore when I went truck driving and got my CDL to support my family Ibroughy my daughter everything before she was born I brought us a new car etc and now look at me I'm stuck in some fucked up homestasis she was and is such a great woman she cooks cleans washes my laundry never fights with me always supportive but it's been almost a year now she's loosing interest and I can't blame her I'm not as wnganged I talk about my issues everyday it's about me saying I can feel things or that .. I'm blank etc I blame her she thrrw out my meds and she thinks I've developed a hatred for her .. she thinks I'm cheating on her she believes that I'm fine since I've gotten a MRI done to my head .. this has happened since I accidently took a highnpotent antiphychotic I lost my self ..I'm tryin so hard to here with it but I keep falling into the pit it just gets worse I have became 100x more insecure I always made sure she was sattisfied emotional and sexually I never let her down but I feel I'm constantly in the past and not moving forward she is moving on spiritually etc she has a life to live and I watch her laughing and I wish i could be right there again I miss her having anxiety or me getting anxiety when we are separated I miss wanting to be there and being hard core in love where you just smile and feelin constantly high like your just mediated on the world and everything looks amazing and euprohric she fell hard for m we both expressed each other's secrets eeverythin she opened up everything to me never cheated always kept it real and we made a amazing couple mant people compliemented me and her and I was always accepted now I'm loosing wieght I don't eat and I have lost alot of my will I just don't know wha to do she's a very attractive women aswell she brings up how I could be treating her like that with my amazing personality always make sure I give you the best head and sex ever and I trusted you I should have never gotten pregnant by you your a liar.. pther people were right well I'm at my last fucking straw.. she treats me like a outsider now I can't see myself like this I miss the euphoria I felt i smiled every day i was alive knowing she was there I knew i would never loose her and had everything on lock and now I see myself failing misserably weuae to roleplay sexually etc she was so entertaining and fun she never let me down and now I'm looking like the worse asswhole.. she's loosing it for me we had to much planned I can't fo out like this I'll prove it if I have to take my life this condition has stole my everything

[nasibi]

A man living in the past is always sad. You have to let go of the past, if you want to stay alive. Adopt an attitude that would help you survive. Your current one definitely won't.

[Imtrying34]

I'm thinking about ending it I can't move on Everytime j cum I become more ahendoic which never happened before either I'm just about to exit myself I just hate this lame boring guy I am now

[nasibi]

You may have a long road ahead of you. You being a father should probably act more maturely. You cannot afford to hold on to all the good things in your past. The past is gone. You exist in the now. You must adjust to the new situation, or else it will break you.

[afx]

Cmon - it aint over. There are still so many possibilities. Do not give up the chance to live Your life PSSD free in the future. Adapt a new strategy like Nasibi said. You need to take this as something You try to fight along the way and wait for cure. You now just need to create new strategies for life and future. Change Your perspectives. Do not take all this as primary thing in Your life and neither Your past. Plan everything from scratch a go live Your new life. Calm down. And relationships are not hard to repair at all as it may seem - I know this from my experience trust me. Things will change when You give them a chance to. Start a new blank page and go from there - never give up!

[Imtrying34]

I doubt either one of your symtpons are as bad ad mine are

[nasibi]

I doubt either one of your symtpons are as bad ad mine are

Imagine in case it took a long time. Let's say ten years you stay in this condition. But then you find a cure. You would be 33 then and still have 30-40 years of life ahead of you. Where as if you quit now, it will be all over. I am not telling you all this as words of encouragement or such. This is literally my own line of reasoning based on which I don't end it all. I am not living a life. I am just surviving. That is how the world works. When you have it, you rock and roll. When you don't, you draw back, become passive and hibernate.

[been_too_long]

I doubt either one of your symtpons are as bad ad mine are

Sorry but Im not the one to hand hold or sugar coat things. You don't know shit about anyone else's symptoms or how bad they are suffering. On the contrary, anyone on here with one eye open can see you NEED help. Not just with PSSD; that is the least of your problems. Between your rambling and they way you are flooding these forums it is quite clear you are the poster child for psychiatric intervention. These forum and arm couch counselors cant do anything more for you at this point. GO CHECK YOURSELF IN for your own sake.

[scept]

Brother you need to see someone asap, take care of the immediate problem at hand, don't worry about your girlfriend for now. I know you have a kid, but you're 23, and you have to be mentally stable to take care of the child, go talk to someone/see a doctor asap.