Introduction - Seeking Advice & Perspective

[dsnider85]

Hi Everyone,

I am a new member, but I've been following the forum and Ghost's PSSD Lab website for about a year. I would like to give a brief overview of what's happening with me, and get some advice and/or perspectives. I'll try to be comprehensive and also brief.

I was diagnosed with OCD at 18. I'm now 34. I've been on and off SSRIs since I was 18. I never felt like SSRIs affected my sexual functioning in the past (whether on or off). Throughout this entire time, I've felt like my sex drive was normal to above normal.

About one year ago, I was feeling particularly happy, and felt like it was time to taper off my SSRI. I had been taking 200 mg of sertraline per day for about 3 years straight. I slowly tapered off the drug (as I've done several times before). From what I can remember, it felt like my libido was noticeably higher for about a week (I can't remember if this was near the end of my taper or just after the taper). Then a week or two went by and I just kinda felt like my libido was lacking. I remember thinking, "hmmm, my libido seems to be kind-of gone." I just didn't feel that constant urge to have sex, that I've always seemed to have.

Probably the day or day after I felt that (but not longer than a week later), I started googling and discovered PSSD. I read on the RISK website that it can start after you get off the medication, even if you didn't have problems while on the medication. This scared the shit out of me, and I definitely panicked when I read all the material and anecdotal accounts. I got worried, anxious, depressed, and obsessive about it for a week or two. I spoke with my therapist. He reminded my that the odds of getting PSSD are so low, and that it was more likely it was just another one of my obsessions, and to let it go. And I was able to pretty much let it go.

In the fall of 2018, I met a girl that I liked and we started dating. She was very pretty, and we had sex several times, but our sex life wasn't near as good as past girlfriends. To be fair, she was dealing with some health issues that prevented us from having sex at different times. But I also felt like my general desire to have sex with her wasn't as high as past girlfriends. In general, our sex life just wasn't as good as I've had in the past.

Because of this, and a few other reasons, I decided to end the relationship in April of this year. Unfortunately, since we broke up, and up until the time I am writing this, it still hasn't felt like my libido has returned to normal.

Specifically, these are the changes I've felt in my sexual health over the past year:

- Lower libido. Feels like my libido has dropped 75%.
- Pre-mature ejaculation. Feels like I'm likely to ejaculate much faster during more sessions. This isn't a huge worry for me. But just something I've noticed is happening more than when I was on the SSRIs.
- Felt like my erection strength a bit lower with my girlfriend, some of the time.

A few more caveats, then I will be finished. When I was ending my taper last year, and I felt like my libido was particularly high, I decided to stop looking at pornography, because I felt guilty and felt that it was the "right" thing to do. So the timeline when something like this (over the course of a few weeks): (1) got off SSRIs, (2) told myself I was going to stop looking at porn, and (3) felt like my libido had dropped.

Another caveat. I do have history of being somewhat of a hypochondriac. Remember, I'm OCD. I obsessed that I was going to have a heart attack for years (no heart problems). I obsessed that I had permanently damaged my cognition after doing a line of cocaine. Worried about that for about six months. Was so bad I think I was giving myself psychosomatic brain fog (not to mention getting very depressed and anxious about it). I got over it and went on to accomplishing the most cognitively demanding work I've ever done, and completed a graduate degree and licensing that's seen as a intellectual achievement in our society.

Another another caveat. When I was getting off my SSRI a year ago, I had just made a major move across the country to take a new job.

Another another another caveat. I went to the doctor two weeks ago, he took my testosterone, and the result was 480. I'm 34 and workout four days a week with a good diet. My results seven years ago was around 670.

At the end of the day, I'm asking for you guys to look at my situation, and tell me what you think. It definitely feels like my libido has taken a hit. But I'm also wondering if my problem could be psychosomatic. Libido felt low, googled PSSD, and BOOM. Anxiety sets in and I'm off to the races. Or something else that I'm not seeing. I just don't know.

Finally, feeling like I haven't gotten my mojo back is making me depressed. Feels like what the fuck is the point. I know that's not the right attitude, but it's how I've been feeling.

I appreciate any feedback.

Sincerely,

D.