Does anyone think about suicide?

[infinityzer00000]

I think about killing myself quite regularly. I have never been the same man that I was since I was on the drugs or even prior to taking them. I feel like a shell of my former self. Not only do I have the sexual problems that we discuss here but the depression that accompanies it just drags me down more and more each day. I have imagined and daydreamed quite regularly how I would take my own life. If I didn't have these issues I would say my life would have been pretty good. I don't really get much joy out of life and I am barely attracted to women at all anymore. I used to be so passionate about many things in my life; drumming, music, aquariums, building things, friends, sex, women, bike riding and just exploring in general. None of that came back after I stopped these drugs. Many doctors just say I have anxiety or that I am depressed. I have less anxiety now then when I ever did at least I think so. However, this depression is something I never had prior to these drugs. I was miserable and frustrated with my OCD and anxiety and now I just want to take my life. Relationships that I have had have been ruined because I fail to really make that deep connection with someone. That lust is gone and replaced by actually anxiety. What the fuck is excitement or joy? Where is that euphoria I would get when I would jam on my drums and just feel it coursing through my veins? Where is that feeling where you come alive when you meet a new girl? Why can't I barely get out of my apartment to do things anymore, when before it was so simple and easy? Everything now is such a god damn chore. I exercise and I eat healthy and I try so fucking hard every day to keep my head up. I can't relate to the guys anymore when they talk about chicks. I just get a rush of anxiety because I don't get those feelings or urges anymore. My life would have been so awesome without these issues. What moronic doctor puts a 16 year old kid on pharmaceuticals? What doctor believes there are no long term issues while taking these medications? How can you be so ignorant? There are probably long term implications from taking advil! Fuck if you ate a chocolate bar every day it would probably rot your teeth, but the idea of chemicals warping your brain is somehow impossible? I....I don't get it....this one life that we all have has been absolutely shit on due to greed and ignorance. I hope the manufacturers of this drugs all die a painful death equivalent to what I am feeling every day. I want to die, yet I want so desperately to live, but this is never going away.

[brian6211]

I think about killing myself quite regularly. I have never been the same man that I was since I was on the drugs or even prior to taking them. I feel like a shell of my former self. Not only do I have the sexual problems that we discuss here but the depression that accompanies it just drags me down more and more each day. I have imagined and daydreamed quite regularly how I would take my own life. If I didn't have these issues I would say my life would have been pretty good. I don't really get much joy out of life and I am barely attracted to women at all anymore. I used to be so passionate about many things in my life; drumming, music, aquariums, building things, friends, sex, women, bike riding and just exploring in general. None of that came back after I stopped these drugs. Many doctors just say I have anxiety or that I am depressed. I have less anxiety now then when I ever did at least I think so. However, this depression is something I never had prior to these drugs. I was miserable and frustrated with my OCD and anxiety and now I just want to take my life. Relationships that I have had have been ruined because I fail to really make that deep connection with someone. That lust is gone and replaced by actually anxiety. What the fuck is excitement or joy? Where is that euphoria I would get when I would jam on my drums and just feel it coursing through my veins? Where is that feeling where you come alive when you meet a new girl? Why can't I barely get out of my apartment to do things anymore, when before it was so simple and easy? Everything now is such a god damn chore. I exercise and I eat healthy and I try so fucking hard every day to keep my head up. I can't relate to the guys anymore when they talk about chicks. I just get a rush of anxiety because I don't get those feelings or urges anymore. My life would have been so awesome without these issues. What moronic doctor puts a 16 year old kid on pharmaceuticals? What doctor believes there are no long term issues while taking these medications? How can you be so ignorant? There are probably long term implications from taking advil! Fuck if you ate a chocolate bar every day it would probably rot your teeth, but the idea of chemicals warping your brain is somehow impossible? I....I don't get it....this one life that we all have has been absolutely shit on due to greed and ignorance. I hope the manufacturers of this drugs all die a painful death equivalent to what I am feeling every day. I want to die, yet I want so desperately to live, but this is never going away.

If I were you I would keep inositol close by and maybe SJW. I think ghost is having some success with SJW at a low dose for depression. And try seeing a therapist to give you a little boost by venting it out?! For how many years were you on SSRIs?

A pharmacist told me last weekend that it can take as much time to recover as the amount of time I was on SSRIs.

Have you tried a dopamine agonist? If my sexual functioning doesn't come back fully a year from now I will definitely try what sonny tried or is taking.

[Ghost]

I think about killing myself quite regularly. I have never been the same man that I was since I was on the drugs or even prior to taking them. I feel like a shell of my former self. Not only do I have the sexual problems that we discuss here but the depression that accompanies it just drags me down more and more each day. I have imagined and daydreamed quite regularly how I would take my own life. If I didn't have these issues I would say my life would have been pretty good. I don't really get much joy out of life and I am barely attracted to women at all anymore. I used to be so passionate about many things in my life; drumming, music, aquariums, building things, friends, sex, women, bike riding and just exploring in general. None of that came back after I stopped these drugs. Many doctors just say I have anxiety or that I am depressed. I have less anxiety now then when I ever did at least I think so. However, this depression is something I never had prior to these drugs. I was miserable and frustrated with my OCD and anxiety and now I just want to take my life. Relationships that I have had have been ruined because I fail to really make that deep connection with someone. That lust is gone and replaced by actually anxiety. What the fuck is excitement or joy? Where is that euphoria I would get when I would jam on my drums and just feel it coursing through my veins? Where is that feeling where you come alive when you meet a new girl? Why can't I barely get out of my apartment to do things anymore, when before it was so simple and easy? Everything now is such a god damn chore. I exercise and I eat healthy and I try so fucking hard every day to keep my head up. I can't relate to the guys anymore when they talk about chicks. I just get a rush of anxiety because I don't get those feelings or urges anymore. My life would have been so awesome without these issues. What moronic doctor puts a 16 year old kid on pharmaceuticals? What doctor believes there are no long term issues while taking these medications? How can you be so ignorant? There are probably long term implications from taking advil! Fuck if you ate a chocolate bar every day it would probably rot your teeth, but the idea of chemicals warping your brain is somehow impossible? I....I don't get it....this one life that we all have has been absolutely shit on due to greed and ignorance. I hope the manufacturers of this drugs all die a painful death equivalent to what I am feeling every day. I want to die, yet I want so desperately to live, but this is never going away.

Hang in there man. As someone who has been in really dark places, I can honestly say that it can get better. Yes, we did have something ripped away from us, but make sure you don't go to the grave before you get it back.

SJW, Meditation, and Exercise have all helped my depression. Also I'd do talk therapy as well.

Before you ever take your life, there are buckets of PSSD ideas that I still have that he gone untested. There are hope in these things, and you may be surprised-we all may, because on paper there are different options with this but no one has tested them. Feel free to message me any time. I suggest getting medical help as well. Suicide is real and scary, as I'm sure you know. There were days that I wanted to end things, but I'm glad today that I didn't. I don't believe in a plan or reason to life, but I do believe that some day this horror will be behind me. Stick it out.

[Ghost]

I think about killing myself quite regularly. I have never been the same man that I was since I was on the drugs or even prior to taking them. I feel like a shell of my former self. Not only do I have the sexual problems that we discuss here but the depression that accompanies it just drags me down more and more each day. I have imagined and daydreamed quite regularly how I would take my own life. If I didn't have these issues I would say my life would have been pretty good. I don't really get much joy out of life and I am barely attracted to women at all anymore. I used to be so passionate about many things in my life; drumming, music, aquariums, building things, friends, sex, women, bike riding and just exploring in general. None of that came back after I stopped these drugs. Many doctors just say I have anxiety or that I am depressed. I have less anxiety now then when I ever did at least I think so. However, this depression is something I never had prior to these drugs. I was miserable and frustrated with my OCD and anxiety and now I just want to take my life. Relationships that I have had have been ruined because I fail to really make that deep connection with someone. That lust is gone and replaced by actually anxiety. What the fuck is excitement or joy? Where is that euphoria I would get when I would jam on my drums and just feel it coursing through my veins? Where is that feeling where you come alive when you meet a new girl? Why can't I barely get out of my apartment to do things anymore, when before it was so simple and easy? Everything now is such a god damn chore. I exercise and I eat healthy and I try so fucking hard every day to keep my head up. I can't relate to the guys anymore when they talk about chicks. I just get a rush of anxiety because I don't get those feelings or urges anymore. My life would have been so awesome without these issues. What moronic doctor puts a 16 year old kid on pharmaceuticals? What doctor believes there are no long term issues while taking these medications? How can you be so ignorant? There are probably long term implications from taking advil! Fuck if you ate a chocolate bar every day it would probably rot your teeth, but the idea of chemicals warping your brain is somehow impossible? I....I don't get it....this one life that we all have has been absolutely shit on due to greed and ignorance. I hope the manufacturers of this drugs all die a painful death equivalent to what I am feeling every day. I want to die, yet I want so desperately to live, but this is never going away.

Hang in there man. As someone who has been in really dark places, I can honestly say that it can get better. Yes, we did have something ripped away from us, but make sure you don't go to the grave before you get it back.

SJW, Meditation, and Exercise have all helped my depression. Also I'd do talk therapy as well.

Before you ever take your life, there are buckets of PSSD ideas that I still have that he gone untested. There are hope in these things, and you may be surprised-we all may, because on paper there are different options with this but no one has tested them. Feel free to message me any time. I suggest getting medical help as well. Suicide is real and scary, as I'm sure you know. There were days that I wanted to end things, but I'm glad today that I didn't. I don't believe in a plan or reason to life, but I do believe that some day this horror will be behind me. Stick it out.

I can't suggest SJW enough though. It really helps. I'm really no longer all that depressed or anxious at this stage. But PSSD remains. It's one battle at a time, and I'd fight depression first. PSSD won't kill you directly, but Depression can. Fuck Depression.

[EricCartmanRJ]

I was put on ssris at the age of 14. I know exactly what you are talking about. I would say I even misplaced some natural euphoria feelings. For example, being early castrated made me a huge fanatic when it comes to soccer (big part of my culture). I still have that, but in moderate levels, thankfully.
The point is, very few things in life used to give me these feelings you described. At most times, I used to feel numb in all aspects of life. Passive, without much motivation. Ever since I tried to end this madness, I've notice a part of me emerging. A part of me that I really didn't know. I could compare this with the famous windows that you relate when some temporary improvement comes.
I still have hope. It just takes time. Even the worst situation in psychiatry has a solution. Hang in there.

[celexahell]

Yes, sometimes, fleetingly.

One of the most, perhaps the most, incredible thing in the world is women/sex/libido/sexual pleasure. It has been forcefully removed from me, without my consent, without know foresight or knowledge that it might be gone forever. It is absolutely fucking criminal that this happened.

I am 27 years old and I suffer every day with numb genitals, nearly zero libido, erection problems that I've never had before. It used to all work so perfectly, women were a dream, sex was dream. Sex is nearly perfunctory now.

I daydream sometimes back to 2011-2013 when I was with the love of my life. I had the best sex ever with her, it was so intimate, so much pleasure. I can't ever imagine feeling like that again with anyone, most especially with these problems.

My emotions used to dance within me. I used to feel so strongly about some things. Poetry could make me cry. Now, I can't even remember the last time I cried. The poignant things in life, the humanity, has also been ripped away.

I'd like to say FUCK YOU to the drug companies, FUCK YOU to the inventors and peddlers of these drugs, FUCK YOU to the doctors, FUCK YOU to the psychiatrists, FUCKING FUCK YOU. I used to be a peaceful person, and I still am mostly; but I can't help but live in spite. I can't help but wish this didn't happen to me.

Anyway, I think about suicide but I'd never do it. My family would suffer. I'm not going to let Big Pharma, the fucking CRIMINAL drug companies, those FUCKING CUNTS make my family suffer. No. Not for a second. FUCK them. I'm trying to live, I'm trying to survive this.

[numbnuts]

I think about it everyday my friend. It's not even the genital anesthesia and muted orgasm that are the worst part either, it's the complete absence of emotions and horrible cognitive decline. It's like my brain is just on autopilot and not absorbing any new information. I know this is a hopeless condition and honestly the only reason I haven't done it already is because I don't want my family to have the reputation of 'the son who killed himself'. Anyway, good luck to you.

[Ghost]

It's imperative that if you are suffering from Suicidal thoughts that you seek out some form of medical care. I don't want to sound like a doctor, but lack of emotions and libido are symptoms of depression. If you treat your depression, you may see some improvement. You don't know where you stand until after you have tackled your mental illness.

If you're depressed and want to take your life, the last thing that your body is thinking about is sex or emotion. That's actually how it should be. It's priorities. I can only speak from personal experience, but I have currently handled depression and anxiety, and it has made my life livable (although still lacking full sexuality).

Worrying about what these drugs did to you won't fix it. I know exactly how all you feel, but urge you to try and break the cycle. It's not easy, but no one ever said that it would be.

There is so much more to mental illness treatment than medications.

[Ghost]

Moved this to the Mental Health section.

[carol7]

Sometimes, I have had a strange thought, that maybe I would be better off dead than alive because all of the crap I have been through, from divorce, loss of love, loss of a parent, loss of my sexuality. It seems I have lost so much in life and life has not turned out anything like I wished for. But, despite this, I never thought of suicide. My love of life itself seems to keep me alive. Sometimes, after going through hell and back, I take stock in myself and inventory of my ability to keep going and I came to a point that I was impressed by my own strength and courage. Sometimes, it's hard to see through all the pain. It's important to talk to someone you trust if you feel suicidal, like a counselor. The other day, this beautiful young woman I know said she liked scars on people because each scar had a story to tell and scars can make people more unique. I had never really thought of it that way, that scars tell stories. Maybe in a similar way, our losses, our pains--shape us, but can be that battle scar we are proud of...

M. Scott Peck wrote the book about the road less traveled, I think his first line is like, 'Life is difficult'. I think it is a simple yet profound sentence...