DoIt's story and hopefully recovery

[DoIt]

I'm angry, angry at pharmaceutical industry for producing posion, angry at my psychiatrist who gave me that posion, angry at my parents who could've been better at parenting and whou could've kept me away from that posion, angry at life who threw so many bad things at me. The posion I'm talking about is called Luvox. Sorry for negativity right at the beginning but I had to vent it out somewhere and you guys here are only one who can understand fully what am I going through. Before I start with my story I apologize for my bad English as I'm not a native speaker.

I'll put in bold the most important stuff that might contributed to my situation and that might hint us towards recovery.

I've always been a bit shy kid and had a bit problems to fit in, especially in Elementary school, maybe because in my first five years I had very little contact with other kids (no kindergarden etc.). So i grew up a little introverted but I had some friends and I had a best friend. Then we moved as I begun High school and I took it very hard. I became socially awkward kid with no real friends and especially no girlfriends (though I've always got some interest from girls). But I was happy in a way, always laughing and that's why this condition really hurts now.

I was stuck after High school, I dropped out of collage because I had trouble to fit in so I ended up spending my days at home with no friends and no life. When I look back I was numbing myself ever since high school and especially after it, I believe i f'ed up my dopamine system totally up. I had very addictive tendecies like gaming and Internet browsing for hours, eating very much white bread and drinking only sodas, much porn, very bad at long term goals and very impulsive.

My "life"style had It's toll on me. I became very nervous and eventually developed an anxiety disorder (winter 2012.) And that much nervousness gave me a duodenal ulcer. So... I went to a doctor and she gave me some Metoclopramide to help my gastric problems. So just as the anxiety slowly deminished I went home took the pills and spiralled down into a worst depression ever, just after one pill! I still remember, I had an feeling of empitness in my head and then horrible depression, it went away few hours after I took the pill. Tomorrow the same thing, I took the tablets and bam depression, horrible, horrible so I went to a psychiatrist and she gave me Luvox because she thought it was a real depression. I made some research at home and saw that Metoclopramide was an dopamine D2 receptor antagonist so I figured i should stop it since dopamine plays a major role in plesure expirience. I stoped it and the depression lifted slowly after a few days.

So, I started SSRI's (summer 2012.), anxiety has gone, depression caused by pills has gone but also my libido, enjoyment of music and some good old feelings, the doc said there's no need for SSRI's any more but take them for a month and then quit. So I asked should I just quit them or should I tapper gradually, she said just quit no problem. No problem my a*s, I stoped them and spiralled into worst depression ever! I could barly walk, I wanted to die, I wanted cancer, anything... So... Again I figured out by myself what happened and started SSRI's again and the depression lifted but withdrawal symptoms started. I gradually tappered until summer of 2013 and since then I'm med free.

I said to myself, ok, you have now seen the rock bottom of existence, It's time to move on. So, I started lifting, found a job, started to getting to know people, started getting into pickup and selfhelp... I've gotten from an awkward skinny guy to a very social good looking guy, I was getting attention from girls and I had best friends in the world (I danced striptease in front of 30 people, went on crazy trips, had crazyyy nights out, you get it...) and all that while expiriencing withdrawal symptoms like no or very low libido, diminished expirience of pleasure, no pleasure in music etc. I was very proud of myself.

And then life hit me as never before, I broke my arm and had an operation, lost my two best friends who were to me as brothers because they went around my girlfriend, lot of stress and sh*t and I slowly started getting depressed (march 2015.). By my theory the depression was caused by losing two very very close friends or by something during the operation as I had general anesthesia, it happened at the same period of time so I'm not sure... But since then it got slowly worse and worse... And it all culminated this summer, I felt as sh*t, not the whole time but most of it. I was hiding it all from my girlfriend and I'm still doing it.

I started to look for a way out of depression this summer and I started running everyday, I started eating healthy (no gluten, no grains, no milk products, nothing that spikes blood sugar, no alcohol, no tobacco) basically a paleo diet, I started suplementing with Omega 3 and B vitamins. Since then things are slowly getting a little better regarding depression. I took some 5-htp for few days this summer and it was the first time (!) in 3 years since I took Luvox the first time that i felt sexually attracted to someone, the first time in 3 years that I had my old emotions back! I remember that I thought oooh this is what I used to feel like before this shit! But it lasted few days and it dissapeared, I took it again this fall and again I got my old emotions back in some moments! Maybe it's a spike in serotonine that caused that because od desentisized receptors... I don't Know but that hit me hard, It's like life showing you look you could feel this good and normal but you don't...

Since then, I'm crying a lot, I want my old life back, I'm hiding all this from my girlfriend and I'm acting happy in front of her... When I really think about it, the only time that I'm happy is when I'm with her... At times, when It's hard I don't even feel anything for her but at other times I feel so much love to that girl..... She's the only thing keeping me going...

So, I started reading this forum and currently I'm suplementing with (all since summer) St. John's Wort (first I took Life900 1x900mg that helped user Beetlebum for a and it made my PSSD worse a bit so I switched to Perika 3x300mg and it did nothing and I'm now tappering off... actually I've began to have some morning erections but they went away after St. John's Wort), Omega 3's x4 tablets daily, strong Vitamin B complex with active forms of B6 and B12 vitamins, best forms of Magnesium and Zinc (since I have Low T), Maca, Tutmeric, I started lifting again as my arm healed, I'm visiting a therapist, I started acupuncture few weeks ago, I'm meditating every day for two weeks now, paleo diet... I'm trying everything in my power to beat this sh*t!

It's fuc*ing hard and I don't Know for how long can I take it like this, I'm desperate and praying every day to make it a little better but no... I could take it because I was happy with my life, but now It's hard, too hard... I know it takes time and I hope I really really hope I and all all of you guys will feel normal again, we didn't deserve this, no body deserves this....

I'm thinking maybe It's because i fucked up my dopamine system (Metoclopramide is the proof, normal people do not react to it like that) and since serotonin autoreceptor desentization reduces dopamine even further... I don't know...

I hope we'll beat this, I have to go to acupuncture now, hope it'll help...

[infinityzer00000]

I was also on fluvoxamine and for quite a long time. What are your current symptoms?

[iull1k]

Welcome.

1.I noticed that lot of PSSD and PFS suffers crashed in some circumstances like acute stress or after a night of drinking and so on. Definitely is a connection

2.If 5ht1a theory is right, why this guy had a improvement with 5htp?

[scot]

Welcome.

1.I noticed that lot of PSSD and PFS suffers crashed in some circumstances like acute stress or after a night of drinking and so on. Definitely is a connection

2.If 5ht1a theory is right, why this guy had a improvement with 5htp?

[Tenyears27]

Well, if it offers any insight. When I was 17 I had a major huge sex drive. I masturbated three times a day. Well, my best friend was in a bad situation and he shot himself dead. I went through terrible confusion and stress for maybe 6 months and during that time I don't think I had masturbated once. I eventually got back into life and it came back when my depression lifted.

Major life events will change your thinking and it's for sure going to affect chemicals in your brain. I went from a joyful life is good state to a constant obsessive thinking and stressing state. Non stop. It was a terrible event but it helps me understand why people who find happiness again and let go of the idea of pssd actually snap out of this terrible existence.

The days I feel my best lately are the days I accept this and that's when I get a random hardon. When my mind is t fixated in that state of stress

[iull1k]

Well, if it offers any insight. When I was 17 I had a major huge sex drive. I masturbated three times a day. Well, my best friend was in a bad situation and he shot himself dead. I went through terrible confusion and stress for maybe 6 months and during that time I don't think I had masturbated once. I eventually got back into life and it came back when my depression lifted.

Major life events will change your thinking and it's for sure going to affect chemicals in your brain. I went from a joyful life is good state to a constant obsessive thinking and stressing state. Non stop. It was a terrible event but it helps me understand why people who find happiness again and let go of the idea of pssd actually snap out of this terrible existence.

The days I feel my best lately are the days I accept this and that's when I get a random hardon. When my mind is t fixated in that state of stress

Stress of course play a role in sex drive, mood and others. No one puts in doubt, but no one had genital anesthesia from stress. Stress can be just a trigger in all this chain.

[iull1k]

I'm shocked how easy was prescribed Luvox after 2 days of depression symptoms.

[anxietor]

Hi DoIt, I think we share a lot of similarities.

I've been introverted and socially isolated pretty much my whole life. Never had many friends, never had a girlfriend. My parents were emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. High school was especially difficult because my social anxiety had gotten to the point that I couldn't really be around anyone. But even with all these problems, I still found things to make myself happy. After getting PSSD I'm more depressed than ever, to the point that I stay in bed most of the day. I've also suffered many anxiety attacks. I find it so cruelly ironic that I took these pills to help with my anxiety and depression and now, because I took them, I'm stuck with much worse anxiety and depression than I've ever had to deal with.

I'm not completely hopeless yet. I've only had PSSD for 2 and a half months so I haven't given up on the possibility of natural recovery. And even if I don't recover naturally, there's many treatments for me to try. I've also been thinking about the possibility of a future lawsuit if PSSD gets more medical/scientific recognition. Seems doubtful right now, but you never know.

Anyways, I hope you find the right combination of supplements and treatments to resolve your PSSD issues. Inositol, curcumin, ropinirole, and cabergoline all seem promising. WAY-100635 also seems like a promising future treatment. I don't have much faith in acupuncture, but I don't think it'll do any harm.

[DoIt]

I was also on fluvoxamine and for quite a long time. What are your current symptoms?

My symptoms were no libido, no boners, musical anhedonia (music makes me feel worse), diminished interest in things, poor memory... And now after some hard life events depression, it's lifting slowly I hope but I can't still laugh and enjoy things at all at times... Your symptoms? I thought you made a huge improvement on SJW?

2.If 5ht1a theory is right, why this guy had a improvement with 5htp?

Yeah, with 5htp I felt some emotions like before and first sexual interest in women in 3 years. Any theories on this? :/

I'm shocked how easy was prescribed Luvox after 2 days of depression symptoms.

Worst day of my life and the most stupid doctor ever...

I can't take this anymore, it was really hard with PSSD alone but i managed it somehow, but now depressive symptoms too.... I'm really sorry for my girlfriend, we really love each other and I think this sh*t is going to destroy our relationship... It makes me cry...

[Tenyears27]

I understand do it. If I have any advice worth offering, it's that you channel whatever small amount of emotional energy you have towards your girlfriend.

I developed pssd 6 months ago when I was engaged. I didn't realize I had it until it stayed after I quit Effexor.
Not too long ago I was looking for wedding cakes and applied for a mortgage.

Once I started giving pssd all my attention, which it's hard not to, I lost my future wife.

My advice is give her what you have, not what you don't have. When she's gone things will actually get worst, than they are now. Don't let that happen

Ps : I had switched schools 7 times as a kid and became an introvert. All through high school I could have got any girl but I never had the confidence. I broke out of that three years ago. I enjoyed about 2 years of my life. I took Effexor because I was being weak minded. Well I'm paying for it

All I'm saying is I understand how terrible having that is. And now to have this on top of that, it's just not right. Not many people could comprehend that level of pain

Sorry your going through this too