The rest of your life
Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2024 4:57 pm
What I'd really like to do is take my mind off my sexual dysfunction but I'm finding it almost impossible.
I'm lonely and my life is pretty empty. My life really didn't go to the way I would have wanted it to, especially the last ten years. My SSRI prescription (the last one, anyway - I've been on and off these drugs since I was 13!) was for panic disorder that was causing agoraphobia. Because of the agoraphobia, I wasn't getting out and meeting people for years. Sertraline really worked miracles for this and got me out of the house again. I was desperate for a partner at this point, mostly for reassurance I could have children as most of my friends already had their families. I tried to force myself to stay in an awful relationship because of this fear. After I left, I couldn't seem to meet anyone else and then suddenly there was a pandemic and I was locked inside alone. I've been really proactive since lockdown was lifted to try and meet people but the only friendships that stuck were ones with other aging single women and some of them can be real downers if I'm honest! I noticed when I went to a gig at the weekend that when I looked at one man who I thought might be attractive what I felt was fear.
I guess what I'm ruminating on is the psychological aspect of all this. Now I'm going to sound braggy, so sorry in advance! Ten years ago, if you asked me to rate my attractiveness out of ten I would have said at least an 8. Who knows if it was all just ego, but that doesn't matter really, because what does matter is that I felt *hot*. I was utterly convinced I was sexy and that had an impact on how I dressed, the way I moved, my confidence, and probably as a result of these things the way people looked at me. If you asked me now about my attractiveness I would say maybe 5/10 because I know I'm not ugly but I feel disgusting. My sense of my desirability is at rock bottom in a way it never has been before. It probably doesn't help that I moved to the countryside during lockdown and men just don't look at me here the way they did in Manchester (the city I was in in the uk). Its an older population and I feel completely invisible - like a washed out old hag.
I've read the success stories here and in other forums and I feel like focusing not on PSSD but on other areas of your life where you have deficiencies seems to be a big part of it. Even if it doesn't help, it would be worth it just to be happier!
The problem is working out how to build a life again when it feels like you're building it from scratch.
Is anyone else thinking along similar lines and trying to find another focus? I'm wondering what others are doing for their wider mental health - any tips for getting back out there?
I'm lonely and my life is pretty empty. My life really didn't go to the way I would have wanted it to, especially the last ten years. My SSRI prescription (the last one, anyway - I've been on and off these drugs since I was 13!) was for panic disorder that was causing agoraphobia. Because of the agoraphobia, I wasn't getting out and meeting people for years. Sertraline really worked miracles for this and got me out of the house again. I was desperate for a partner at this point, mostly for reassurance I could have children as most of my friends already had their families. I tried to force myself to stay in an awful relationship because of this fear. After I left, I couldn't seem to meet anyone else and then suddenly there was a pandemic and I was locked inside alone. I've been really proactive since lockdown was lifted to try and meet people but the only friendships that stuck were ones with other aging single women and some of them can be real downers if I'm honest! I noticed when I went to a gig at the weekend that when I looked at one man who I thought might be attractive what I felt was fear.
I guess what I'm ruminating on is the psychological aspect of all this. Now I'm going to sound braggy, so sorry in advance! Ten years ago, if you asked me to rate my attractiveness out of ten I would have said at least an 8. Who knows if it was all just ego, but that doesn't matter really, because what does matter is that I felt *hot*. I was utterly convinced I was sexy and that had an impact on how I dressed, the way I moved, my confidence, and probably as a result of these things the way people looked at me. If you asked me now about my attractiveness I would say maybe 5/10 because I know I'm not ugly but I feel disgusting. My sense of my desirability is at rock bottom in a way it never has been before. It probably doesn't help that I moved to the countryside during lockdown and men just don't look at me here the way they did in Manchester (the city I was in in the uk). Its an older population and I feel completely invisible - like a washed out old hag.
I've read the success stories here and in other forums and I feel like focusing not on PSSD but on other areas of your life where you have deficiencies seems to be a big part of it. Even if it doesn't help, it would be worth it just to be happier!
The problem is working out how to build a life again when it feels like you're building it from scratch.
Is anyone else thinking along similar lines and trying to find another focus? I'm wondering what others are doing for their wider mental health - any tips for getting back out there?