PSSD Double Whammy...My story.

[Twentyoneguns]

It has become apparent recently that I have been suffering from PSSD for 19 years, at no time during this period did I ever make the connection between the condition and the use of SSRIs, its only since my relatively recent tangle with Sertraline that I have had cause to research what has happened to me.

Around mid October 1998 (aged 40) I experienced an intense tingling in my perineum area which lasted for an hour or so on waking during the night. The next day I noticed that I could not get an erection when visually stimulated, naturally a little panic set in. Over the next few weeks I found that I could get an erection by manually stimulating myself, but I was aware that my sexual function had changed.

My base line before this incident had been completely stable and unchanged since adolescence:
Instant erection on visual stimulation
Could last as long as I wanted during sex
Complete control over when I orgasmed
So sensitive after sex that I couldn't bear to be touched.

After this incident my new base line was:
No reaction to visual stimulation, although I still got the rush.
Reduced semen volume (approx. 50% )
Reduced sensitivity of penis…also feeling cold
Pain in the perineum most of the time.
Orgasm remained as explosive as before.

I approached my doctor regarding this problem, he seemed to have no clue as to what had happened to cause these symptoms and only prescribed OTC pain killers to deal with the perineum pain. I was referred to a Psycho-sexual councillor, who did a cursory physical exam and pronounced me fit, and that the problem must be psychological. The reduction in semen was explained away by retrograde ejaculation…i.e. the semen ending up in my bladder rather than the outside world.

I saw this doctor several times, which was quite honestly a waste of time, he offered no new insights and recommended several bizarre techniques based on his own experiences!

Over the intervening years I adapted to the situation, but was always fearful that the condition would worsen…it never did…nor did it improve.
I had a few long term relationships in this period and once initial anxiety was overcome I found I could achieve an erection and perform well. In all these relationships I had explained to my partners what had happened and they seemed to take it on as a challenge…thank goodness…I had chosen well.

However one night stands were a disaster and very discouraging.

I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety on and off for most of my adult life, with several admissions to a psychiatric hospital, prescribed various antidepressants and ECT. In recent years have been taking 20mg Fluoxetine, I don’t know if it was taking the AD that was keeping me depression free, or I would have been depression free anyway, but as it did not seem to be causing any nasty side effects I was prepared to keep taking it…almost as a prophylactic.

2010 saw me develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) which has been with me to some extent ever since. A few months earlier during a long period of travelling I ran out of Fluoxetine and effectively went cold turkey. Googling this reveals a connection between CFS and SSRI use.

In late 2015 I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer…after months of my symptoms being dismissed by my doctor. To cut the story short, the treatment…Radio Therapy and Chemotherapy was horrendous, but I did get an all clear in April 2016.

All during the treatment I managed well, it was only after the “All clear” that severe depression and anxiety set in again…some kind of post trauma? My doctor recommended increasing the Fluoxetine dose to 40mg, which I agreed to. To be honest it didn’t really make any difference, but I stuck with it. Eventually the severe anxiety and depression was so bad I spoke to my doctor again, who suggested a change in AD would be appropriate…Sertraline was the drug of choice…a fairly harsh taper of one month followed by the Sertraline 50mg.

I took the first tablet and in a very short time I experienced some terrible side effects, dizziness, headache, confusion and a level of anxiety I did not believe was possible, I went to bed for the rest of the day. I knew it would take a while of the side effects to settle, so took the second tablet the next day, again the same effects plus the start of the sexual side effects. I took one more tablet the next day and decided enough was enough and stopped taking the Sertraline…I assumed the side effects would subside soon after stopping…how wrong I was!

Six months on I am still experiencing the following:

A very changed response to visual sexual stimulus, not just porn, but in everyday life…absolutely no sexual feeling at all when I see women…I know how I should be feeling, but it’s just not there anymore. What is the term for this? Libido? I still have an intense desire to have sex…what is the term for this? Sex drive?

Insomnia…I go to sleep easily but wake 1.5 hours later and am unable to get back to sleep again.

Tinnitus…single tone, about 9.5kHz in both ears, swirling around.

Cognitive problems… very poor short term memory, forgetting names I should know and generally losing stuff…

Some numbness in my penis.

I can achieve an erection using intense fantasy about previous sexual encounters and manual stimulation, but as soon as I stop the erection subsides. I can orgasm, and the feeling is as intense as before…one small mercy eh?

Occasional morning wood...and I mean wood! lasts for ages.

Strangely I can feel some response to visual stimulus while touching my penis…not very appropriate in public!!

The volume of semen is much reduced, perhaps just 25% of my revised baseline.

The intense confusion and anhedonia have improved quite a lot…I can enjoy music and days out etc.

It is only recently that I have made the connection between my earlier use of ADs and the start of my PSSD in 1998. From memory the only ADs I can remember taking were Trazadone and Fluoxetine. However I decided to order a copy of my medical records and I see that during the years prior to 1998 I had been prescribed many different SSRIs…most discontinued due to bad side effects (but never sexual) . It seems that Mirtazapine was the guilty drug in ’98.

It feels like I have been kicked halfway down a stone staircase and then kicked down again and am just about on the bottom step.
Quite honestly I’ve found it easier dealing with the emotional effects of the cancer.

Where do I go now? Its so sad and frustrating to see the number of new forum members grow over the weeks I have been lurking.
Its taken me a long time to put this together…I could put a decent essay/letter together before this, but due to the brain fog, even reading it back several times, it still looks crap!

Thanks to all for a generally positive forum, particularity Ghost for his commitment to the cause...I feel I can identify with you, having taken only 3 tablets to land myself in this mess, it has helped a lot over the last 6 months.

Regards

Twentyoneguns

[Glitch]

3 tablets? Holy shit. Well, thanks for posting your story and welcome.

[Hades]

yeah.actually it can happen from one single pills.these people telling no lies.if you think that you can make with 9 or 4 pils.whats the difference for 1 .i couldnt believe it too until i made pssd and start searching for it.they are many reports for 1 pill.after that i realized that outside world is a more lot evil than i would have ever imagined.

Even now i dont know anything i can say for people that were on that kind on drugs for months years and they didnt got pssd.i found some old friends of me i knew in real life took cocktails for months and didnt made PSSD.

and i asked them many many times they had no reason to lie to me or be ashamed cause i knew them pretty well and told them in advance that my dick dissapeared

[Kk88]

A very changed response to visual sexual stimulus, not just porn, but in everyday life…absolutely no sexual feeling at all when I see women…I know how I should be feeling, but it’s just not there anymore. What is the term for this? Libido? I still have an intense desire to have sex…what is the term for this? Sex drive?

Really like your distinction here. I have struggled to explain this but completely agree. I want sex. I see women I know I am attracted to and know i want to be with them, but what is lacking is the feeling, the physical side of this want - the libido.

Also feel you with what you say about the growing numbers on the forums. It pains me so much that there's someone who is fine today that tomorrow will go to their dr, put all their trust in them, and get prescribed this poison.

Welcome to the forum.

[Twentyoneguns]

Thanks for the replies guys.

I'm on a bit of a mission to discourage any of my friends, from starting SSRIs. Unfortunately a good friend of mine who lost his wife to cancer last month has now been diagnosed with cancer himself. In spite of me pleading with him not to take any ADs after his wife died, stressing that grief is a painful natural process, he started taking them on his own diagnosis.

I can understand the pain and desperation for relief he must have been going through.

These were the very emotions that made me resort to these evil damaging drugs, blind to any side effects.

Maybe he will get away with it, maybe not...I just hope it is the former.

Perhaps we should give a hug or have a chat with anyone we care for who is struggling.